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Hey, it's a parody. But it's great parody. The author, who for obvious reasons prefers to keep a low profile, gets inside the head of Bill Gates with uncanny accuracy.
Tuesday, May 27 It's interesting to see how the big fear of Microsoft has died down. When we were just dominating the operating system (DOS and Windows) and productivity software market (with the best word processor, spreadsheet, and database) there was big-time paranoia and anti-MS sentiments. Now that we're poised to dominate PCs, TVs, palmtops, broadband Internet deliver via Teledesic's satellite network -- and leveraging a whole bunch of our MSN and MSNBC content ... well, in comparison, the silence is deafening. But, hey, why should I complain?
Maybe everyone has given up fighting the inevitable. I mean, resistance IS futile. And with our stock still surging upward, Microsoft is now the third largest (market cap) company in the world. Only Coke and General Electric are stopping us from assuming our rightful place. Hey! That big #1 spot won't be long now! Can there be any doubt about who's the most powerful man on the planet? (Hint: he's the richest. Another hint: it's ME, dummy!)
* * * Wednesday, July 2
It still seems to be mergers and acquisitions season ... Electronic Arts (games dudes on the big downhill) have snapped up Maxis (the Sim-Stuff people), and the merger between Fractal and Metatools is now complete. Their blurb claims they've become the world's largest vendor of create software... But that's us! So ... they're more like the world's largest collection of brain-fried clueless acid heads!
The great thing about having a house with over twenty bathrooms is never having to ask, "Where do you want to go today?"
* * * Monday, July 21
Man, I hate it when I have to do this ... OK, Rob, you're not the total loser I thought you were when you said you were leaving us to develop an Internet sound thing. But I can't believe we couldn't do this stuff in-house! I suppose Nathan was too busy playing with his Humvee and writing Slate articles to develop some cool audio and video technology for the Net.
Instead I've had to eat a big slice of that humble pie and license RealAudio and RealVideo streaming technologies from Rob Glaser's Progressive Networks. And I'm sure we'll have to pay him way more money than he was getting when he worked here. That really hurts. I guess it wouldn't be so bad, but Rob really thinks that my management style sucks. That's so random! Would I be so rich if I wasn't a great manager?
It's almost worth buying the company just so I can get him back here and shout at him again. And, hey, it's definitely worth it to stop Netscape getting their hands on all that groovy Internet functionality ... that will make IE so much better than Netscape's browser thing. (Whatever it's called these days.)
In fact, with the right spin it'll look like I planned it all along. Heck, I DID plan it all along. I knew Rob needed to follow his entrepreneurial instincts, and I encouraged him to make it on his own! He just needed that push to get started and develop this awesome technology.
And then I'll buy it. (Yeah! I'm just so smart!)
* * * Saturday, September 13
Melinda and I just watched Independence Day on video. Totally noncredible. AS IF! I mean, the alien mother ship's operating system wasn't even Windows!
* * * Tuesday, December 30
Everyone was in high New Year spirits today. I heard a great joke when I was standing by the photocopier...
Q. What's the difference between Bill Gates and a Rottweiler.A. A Rottweiler will eventually give up and let go!
Ha-ha-ha! I just love the friendly office banter we have here at Microsoft! (Note: I must remember to ask Melinda what a Rottweiler is tonight.)
Buy this book. And read the ongoing saga of "BillG" at http://www.billg.org/.
-- Ray Duncan (duncan@cerf.net)
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Explanation of ERCB rating scale: No stars = unacceptable, 1 Star = marginal, 2 Stars = average, 3 Stars = above average, 4 Stars = exceptional.